3If there was a sure-fire way to relax as a parent, and someone patented it, they'd be a gazillionaire. What's hard about being a parent and relaxing is that the more you care about your child, and their well-being, the more you are patched into her ups and downs, challenges and woes, the more relaxation seems like a clown party that is going on far away from where you are. How can you be vigilant and also take a breather? Remember when you were just one person, and not you plus mini-you? The key with parenting is that you may only get moments to relax each day, but that those moments are plentiful and energizing if you train yourself to recognize and use them. Maybe in your past life you had hours to zone out and do nothing. Now you grab it while you can, but you know what? Your life is deeper now, and you will feel your moments of relaxation (and your parenting job) with glorious fulfillment.
- Stop staring at your child and thinking there's something wrong. When you're stressing about their reading, or their screaming, or their attitude, or their teacher, or their future--just stop for one second and light a tiny match in your brain. That is called hope. Look at your child's face lit up by that tiny light. This is the hope you have for her and it is mighty and powerful. You will find yourself smiling at your life, at your wonderful baby right there, even if she's 70 pounds and 7 years old. This takes practice.Walk your child to school. This is a great time to hold hands. You can see a lot of good in your life and in your child when you are walking, looking at what is around you right at that moment, and talking. Don't try to talk about anything, or figure anything out. Just walk, hold hands and be happy.Look at other parents as the same comic disaster that you are. For the most part, everyone is trying so hard to do the right thing and be there for their child. When you feel yourself getting drawn into comparing your child with their child, just let them talk and you stop talking. Step backwards in your heart and let go of all that anxiety. Let it flow right out of your fingertips. When you step back, take a breath and let go inwardly, you will find yourself smiling. That's your body, thanking you for the relief.Do one thing each day that makes you happy. Even if it's reading a few pages in a book, daydreaming out the window, calling someone you like on the phone, playing a word game, laying on the ground and looking up at the sky, petting the dog. Breathe.Laugh, cry and laugh. Share time with your spouse, if you have one. Your spouse will understand your connection to your children almost as much as you do. Try to realize that everyone is winging it and everyone is hanging on by the seat of their pants, especially by about 4 p.m. every day with the kids. Be proud of yourself. You've made it this far, you're doing a tremendous job. Your moments of relaxation are your big, whopping paycheck, so sop them up every minute you can.Flip it. Every time you feel overwhelmed, just step backwards and remember the reverse of being overwhelmed is being relaxed. You train yourself to choose differently next time, flip it over. You've got it right there, all that love and healing. It weighs less and you're carrying it. Just because the scary stuff seems more important and is louder, don't let it rule you. When you're feeling down, flip it over and smell the flowers you've gathered underneath. Your heart carries it all, just practice the flip.
