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How to Pick Your Friends Intelligently

by Mika Lo

Overview

Friends can provide a great support system to help each other through good and bad times. The bonds of friendship have the potential of lasting throughout your lifetime. If you pick your friends intelligently, you have fewer chances of regretting those you choose for associations. You should consider many things when choosing a friend, including common interests, personality traits and your personal convictions, needs and dislikes.

Step 1

Look for common ground. Choosing friends who share your interests or hobbies gives you something to talk about and activities to do together. That could be watching old movies, building model trains, discussing world events or shopping.
Step 2

Discern his positive personality traits. If you place importance on spending time with conscientious people or someone with a nonjudgmental nature, bring up conversational topics that will help you evaluate your new friend's nature in these areas.
Step 3

Distinguish her negative traits or characteristics. You shouldn't disqualify a potential friend because of negative traits. If he has positive traits you desire but also angers easily, your calmness might be the balance he needs. If you are intolerant, you could benefit from his patience.
Step 4

Determine any potential concern. Friendships can be a lifeline, but choosing the wrong friends can be destructive. If you like to skydive or bungee jump, you will probably want at least some friends who take certain risks. Choosing a friend who gets into fights constantly or performs illegal acts on a regular basis, however, might not be a good choice if you seek a positive influence in your life.
Step 5

Choose friends who can reciprocate. Friendships require give and take for balance. This does not mean you both bring the same components to the relationship. You might spring for the movie and meals most often, but she might provide the emotional support or keep your spirits high.
Step 6

Take your friendship for a test run before making it permanent. You don't have to decide instantly if you want this person as a close friend or as a casual acquaintance. Meet her for coffee or invite her to a movie and see if you connect. If you do, spend more time with her.

3
Be fair and objective when choosing a friend. Ask people who know your potential friend about his characteristics.
Be fair and objective when choosing a friend.
Ask people who know your potential friend about his characteristics.
If you decide to ask your possible friend questions to help you make an informed decision, don't allow it to sound like an interrogation. This could influence his decision in including you in his circle of friends.
If you decide to ask your possible friend questions to help you make an informed decision, don't allow it to sound like an interrogation. This could influence his decision in including you in his circle of friends.