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How to Handle a Strong Willed Child
by Mika Lo
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Overview
Dealing with a strong willed child can test your patience and can even make you second-guess your effectiveness as an authority figure. While it can be challenging to keep your cool during power struggles, doing so can help reduce the intensity and amount of negative exchanges. Find ways to encourage independence while introducing respect for boundaries.
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Step 1
Seek to understand his motivations. Engage in regular conversations about his opinions and reasoning. Share your views and experiences to build trust and foster constructive communication habits. Observe his behaviors to anticipate trouble and find ways to alleviate tension. This constructive dialogue lets a strong-willed child know that your respect his views and are a trusted source for advice.
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Step 2
Establish guidelines for behavior and relevant consequences. Search rules for loopholes before communicating them to strong-willed children. Provide concise explanations along with examples to eliminate excuses and confusion. Match consequences to the level and nature of the offense for best results. Take away privileges that matter to strong-willed children, as this often encourages compliance.
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Step 3
Provide correction without crushing spirit. Show that you respect her individuality, but also require cooperation and obedience. Use a firm tone and age-appropriate language to make logical points. Avoid yelling or using inflammatory language as this only weakens your case. Don't give a strong-willed child another reason to rebel against your wishes.
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Step 4
Practice the art of compromise. Show that you can follow your own advice and that you value his opinions. Realize that letting a strong-willed child occasionally win small arguments can help prevent larger struggles. This willingness to find middle ground can encourage him to follow suit.
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Step 5
Redirect her persistence into constructive channels. Understand that being strong-willed can have its advantages when focused in positive directions. Teach strong-willed children to use their innate abilities to persuade peers to behave respectfully. Participating in sports, academic clubs and community organizations help instill values like teamwork and sportsmanship. It also gives strong-willed children a chance to develop leadership skills.
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Step 6
Practice what you preach. While you don't always have to hide your displeasure, avoid displaying it in negative ways. Strong-willed children readily observe weaknesses for reference in future arguments. Refrain from labeling her as "difficult" or "unruly," as this can damage self-esteem. Learn to show displeasure for negative behaviors without belittling or offending the child.
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- Encourage strong-willed children to express their feelings clearly. This helps prevent frustration and feelings that no one understands their point of view.
- Encourage strong-willed children to express their feelings clearly. This helps prevent frustration and feelings that no one understands their point of view.
